The raindrops raced down the window,
The flickering candle danced against the wall.
The sun made the odd appearance through the curtain,
and I did nothing at all.
-J Pickering (A piece from my closed blog!)
Sometimes in life you need a lazy day or weekend or week and that is ok. I think that is what I’ve been trying to learn for myself, that it is ok to take time for me. I’ll still be there at the end of it just more refreshed, more me. I’ve had some time off to think. My brain has been so filled with anxiety I haven’t been sleeping properly or generally functioning properly. I opened my window for the first time in years though today so that is good.
Context: I have this irrational fear that if I open the window a house spider will take up residence in my room within a minute of me opening it. So far, 10 minutes in and no house spiders, although I will keep you updated. I also have this minor issue where midges make me swell up like some unfortunate side effect from eating the wrong type of candy when in the company of Mr Wonka. This is a bit more of a real fear as my room seems to be a paradise for the things.
During my time to think, I have come up with a couple of grand plans to succeed at life. A pretty big task but it’s good to have plans. Of course, every plan would be made easier with a lottery win but, as I haven’t got a ticket, I think I might be waiting a while! I’m not going to go into all of the plans as the majority involve the relentless challenge that is cracking the publishing world, I will however, say that they all circle around writing. A lot of it. And not a novel or script or any thing similar. I thinking it could be a good plan, or not, but it will be a something that could become a something-more. I say with great hope.
Where am I now though? I am working out how to get through a day without a panic attack and through a night with more than about 3 hours of restless sleep. It isn’t a fun day to day but it is getting better and making sure I take time to enjoy the positive moments in life is helping. Surrounding myself with good people is helping more.
Writing is helping the most. Writing is my therapy. It is my way of releasing. I over analyse in my head but when I focus on the words I forget about the what ifs and maybes which will never happen. I want write more, I will write more.
– Jen
Jennifer Pickering 