This is a sort of self created writing prompt. The first part is a tweet a composed earlier (aka 280 character limit) and then I just allowed 30 minutes to free write (little to no editing) the rest! It went a way I didn’t expect…
I forgot how to breathe,
my inhales & exhales became staggered & robotic as I forced my chest.
Each movement more distorted than the last.
Then the water came,
Blocking out sound in a mumbled silence,
filling my lungs to stop any chance they once had.
In 1 2
Out 1 2
In 1 2
Out 1 4
In 2 3
Out 1
In 6
I hold.
I hold and try to never let go because it feels good to be able to hold something again.
This breath is mine.
My lungs will fight against me in burning anger.
But I will not surrender this breath.
My head is beating, dizzy from my racing heart.
Even it wants to turn against me.
Pitting need against want.
My carcass against my soul.
I muster strength and let it go
But not for me.
Never for me.
It is selfish with self worth,
It’s own best enemy.
The exhaustion,
Twist distortion,
Self entitled absorption,
A fractures contortion,
Of self extortion.
An idea I expelled,
Fighting for others,
Unwanted lovers who took what they needed and left me depleted as they tied up their laces and removed any traces that they ever existed.
They breathe their poison of choice.
Their blackened lungs let out blunted laughs.
They can breathe.
They don’t look upwards counting fields until daylight burns their eyes or worry what lurks in the corners of the night.
They sleep easy.
Breathe easy.
It’s easy.
I tell myself.
It’s easy, just breathe.
Each breath will chase them further into the darkness.
I realise,
I didn’t forget how to breathe,
I forgot how to try.
Jennifer Pickering 