Jennifer Pickering

My chest is tight,

My throat numb.

What’s easy for you,

Is a nightmare for some.

I’ll lace up my boots

And put on a smile,

And try to push through,

At least for a while.

I’m dying inside.

I can’t find my voice.

I can’t find my voice,

To shout for myself,

To be my own warrior,

If nothing else.

So I’m silent,

And I hide.

I hide from everything,

Everyone.

And it works.

Because amongst it all,

I can’t find myself.

I’m lost,

Or I’ve lost it,

What defines it doesn’t matter.

And I no longer know which is worse.

I see my past in myself,

The times that I hurt.

It was creeping back,

And now it’s in a full sprinted run.

I’ve already given up,

And it hasn’t begun.