What are your fears? I questioned.
At first it seemed simple enough,
heights,
spiders,
moths.
But then they began to spiral.
I had not thought about what I was fearful of,
I had hidden behind fears I could control.
It wasn’t until my world came crashing down,
that I knew what it was to fear.
I didn’t fear the things I could change,
I feared the things I could not.
And whilst it was not a fear of uncertainty,
It was a fear all the same.
We make plans because we want to live them,
Choose paths we want to explore,
When the road is blocked we lose control,
And what seemed like our future is no more.
I do not fear what I can change,
I fear what I can not.
A quick little life update seems needed. As of the beginning of this month I have been unemployed. Due to covid I, like many others across the globe, was made redundant. That word is a horrid word which takes away control. It makes you feel worthless and unneeded in a way I hadn’t experienced before. But now, I have come to realise I am in control. My future is still mine and my plans, whilst on hold, will still be there waiting for me. Road blocks are temporary.
At some point in the future I hope I can make a post about my redundancy and the job hunt which followed as some kind of solidarity post for anyone who finds themself in the same boat but for now I am still sailing.
I haven’t worked out what my future looks like, but I know I want it to include writing and lots of it. I want to share my passion and live passionately. So that is what I am going to attempt to do. Through this, through a publisher if they will have me and maybe even through youtube.
For the small number of you who read this, I want to thank you for being a part of my journey and interacting with my work. The odd like and comment makes it feel like I’m on the right path.
Love Jen x
Jennifer Pickering 