Jennifer Pickering

I knew you,

I don’t know how.

But I was compelled to you.

From somewhere unknown a calling came,

and I found myself there.

It was not through will or love or lust,

but necessity.

It was an urge I had to fufill

in order to breathe once more.

I allowed my thoughts to be consumed,

got drunk off of you.

Days slipped into weeks,

but as long as you were there,

I did not falter my path.

For your voice sung to me,

And made diversion impossible.

You were inescapable,

but I held to that.

To the knowing and the certainty of you.

How could I have known not to follow?

One thought became a plague,

and before I could escape,

You made me no longer want to.

You decieved me.

You told my thoughts they were not true,

and made me believe only you.

And I did.

I let your hands slip over my throat and choke me,

and as the air left my lungs,

I thanked you for your time.

I just didn’t know they were mine.

My hands choked me,

my thoughts broke me.

My feelings encroached me.

Nothing would evoke me.

Because all that was left was I who provoked me.

And I hated that it was I.

Jen Pickering

I’ve never really hidden the fact that I have suffered with anxiety in the past and a great way I find to get over any anxious feelings is to personify the anxiety and that is where this is initally came from but, ultimately, as anxiety does, the process felt like the piece needed a change, a more inward look.

Love Jen x